I’m all for giving bad movies a chance. I like bad movies.
But sometimes a movie is so irredeemably bad, that you can’t sugar coat it.
Welcome to that movie.
It’s not even so bad it’s good. Or so bad that you should hate-watch it.
It’s just terrible all over. From start to end and whatever that middle part of the film was.
I’m not going to lie. If I counted the amount of “movie” scenes in this abomination, we would have a 15-minute short film, a bulk of which comes from the opening sequence with Eric Roberts who seemingly has no idea why he would agree to do something as rotten as this.
To add even more insult, the end credits are 8 minutes long and crawl along at the speed of grandmother counting coins at a supermarket register. And the film was only 70 minutes – it didn’t need an 8-minute end credit crawl.
PLOT
The story goes something like this. A bunch of people who wanted to make a movie decided to consume far too many hallucinogens and made note of the crap they spoke about.
Somehow that crap involved sharks from an alien planet and a weird plant that makes noises ripped off from Plan 9 From Outer Space.
They then found someone who could use a 3D graphics program and had already created a space station shooting game level, which was repurposed into the interior of the spaceship used in this film.
They then took inspiration from Predator and attempted to emulate Predator-vision, while at the same time taking musical cues from both 80’s low budget sci-fi and 2000’s space-shooter military games.
ABOUT THE FILM
Someone then contacted Wild Eye releasing who saw an opportunity to charge people money to watch this. Demand a refund.
The movie is actually nothing but fillers. Long scenes of watching boring people doing the most mundane things – like sunbaking or drinking a watered-down bottle of wine.
There is a conspiracy theory plotline – if you can call it that – that makes the filmmaker seem more unstable than cool, and ridiculously goes absolutely nowhere.
There is a news broadcast scene shot on a green screen when one of the characters makes two errors in his lines, yet it makes the final cut.
The camera work is so bad, that most daytime scenes are over-blown, with the exposure set so high all the whites are crushed out of the picture.
There are so many useless characters, so much over acting – like one of the scientists at the start and one of the stoner people towards the middle – and then there is Brinke Stevens sitting in the middle of this shit show wondering what the fuck she did in a previous life to upset every God in the sky.
And I haven’t even mentioned the shark. But why bother? They obviously look nothing like the AI generated cover art used for the promotion of the film.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
This isn’t a movie. This is a brain explosion masquerading at an attempt to troll the audience. Well, the joke is definitely on all of us.
Using my patent pending GHOST rating, which stands for Great Horror or Stupid Trash, this validates the Stupid Trash title in the rating. I never wanted to award a movie 0 ghosts, but this one deserves.
In fact, it owes me ghosts. 1 ghost for every minute I had to watch. That’s 65 ghosts it owes me, because I skipped most of the credits.
If for some reason you’ve seen this, what did you think of it?
Genre Utter Shit
Director Dustin Ferguson
Starring Eric Roberts, Brinke Stevens, Scott Swartz
Original Title Space Sharks
Alternative Title “The Worst Fucking Shark Movie You’ll Ever See”
Country of Origin USA
Release Date 23 June 2024
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